Being Alone & being lonely

Alone and together

Years ago, eight to be exact, a dear friend of mine, in a very humane gesture of emotion asked me to find happiness in being alone. At that time, i sincerely craved for a relationship, of being with “the other” so as to instill the feeling of belonging and existential worth. She looked deep into my eyes and asked me to do something that smashed my feelings to the ground. How could she ask something like that? If she doesn’t want to be with me she could have said that directly and not use the subterfuge of philosophical mumbo-jumbo.
Time crawled, slithered and sometimes flew by; seasons changed and so did the places. I was in pain after my first breakup. Somewhere, i needed the escape from all that pain and emotional burden and to be honest, i now feel that i was doing something more out of my desire to escape that hellish emotional blob inside of me. Those words always stayed with me.

As the dust began to settle and my mind started to dust off years of self inflicted pain, i realized the true nature of that call. What is being alone? Is it something we must desire or it happens on its own when we are with ourselves. Not just physically, rather in a holistic manner where the Mind-Body complex is at ease and in a state of deep acceptance of the self. What is self?

We shall leave this topic of self for later discussion. Let us now just concentrate on the nature of being alone. First, we begin with asking a question:

Why do we seek a company or companionship?

In general, our desire to engage with fellow humans is genetic. We are probably made this way. To build a complex network of societies, states and countries we need to  associate with each other and forge relationships as a means to survive and propagate the species and prosper. Is there also such thing in human genome, where a person desires to be alone and with the self and not engaged in any external activity? Perhaps, this is what forms the basis of quest for the eternal truth that drives a man to solitude. Where the other is a nuisance, no matter how sweet or accommodating. For most of us life is all about being with the other/others and spending time such that the pincers of reality does not bring us out of our sense of security in being around with others. The idea of fragility of our existence doesn’t make us brood over the purpose of life itself. This brings us to the very idea of associating the self with the outside world viz., people, things and designations.

All our effort in life seems an exercise to be away from the reality of being alone. The death is something that makes us uncomfortable.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s